The Plumbers Menorah and Other Tales of NY

After cracking about two dozen Black Walnuts, the very substantial nutcracker that I had bought in Woodstock, broke under the strain. The steel pin linking both halves simply bent under the strain. I went to my local hardware store in Innwood. The proprietor offered me a flimsy nutcracker. When I told him that Black Walnuts would laugh at such a flimsy nutcracker, he began muttering to himself in Yiddish. When I asked for a visegrip, he looked at me like I had lost my mind. He offered me a tiny visegrip that was too small to accomplish anything.

Today, I decided to stop off at a hardware store near Zabars on Broadway. They had been there forever but had just gone out of business. Another victim of Depression II. I soothed my hurts with a candied chestnut Gelato and the owner told me about another hardware store on Amsterdam Ave, a few blocks away. This was Beacon Paint & Hardware at 371 Amsterdam Ave, www.beaconpaint,com. The first thing you notice upon entering is a huge Menorah made of plumbing parts. They will happily sell you this Menorah for $109.99 and they will ship it anywhere (although probably at a very substantial cost). Anyway, I got a monster visegrip that makes mincemeat of the Black Walnuts. I am now looking for tougher nuts to crack.

The Plumbers Menorah and other Tales of New York